she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
