Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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