remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize