the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So vagazzling was a success
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
