there's paper in my vomit.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize