I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
