You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
