come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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