How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
