I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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