I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
