I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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