remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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