Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
