I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
