Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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