Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
