if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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