she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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