So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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