i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
