Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize