Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
