This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
