my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
