the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
