I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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