I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
