I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
