i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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