My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize