I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
