Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He felt like a one man threesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
