getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
