You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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