I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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