i permit you to call me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
