Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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