He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
