quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
