That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
