you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
