Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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