I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
