I heard we made out
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
