Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
