I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
