Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
