Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
