We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
