hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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