i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
