I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
