She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
