no, he came in my armpit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
