also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
