batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
