Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
