doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
