He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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