connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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