I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
