were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You need Xanax blowdarts
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
