I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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