So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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