areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
