I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
