she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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