Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
