You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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